The Republic of Safe Island is a huge, safe nation, notable for its daily referendums, aversion to nipples, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 276 million Safteyans are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Law & Order. The average income tax rate is 34.1%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The strong Safe Islandian economy, worth 14.6 trillion safe dollars a year, is dominated by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Pizza Delivery, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 53,063 safe dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Snap elections are called over every minor impasse, the studies of art and philosophy are banned, cheese lovers have a case of the bleus, and opposition party MPs campaign shirtless to show off their numerous lash scars. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Safe Island's national animal is the dolphin.

Safe Island is ranked 170,112^th in the world and 966^th in Europe for Most Patriotic, with 7.26 flags saluted per person per day.